花了不到一週的時間閱讀完這本書，上次用那麼快的速度看完一本書不知道是什麼時候了，可見我急需這本書的知識ＸＤ。覺得需要紀錄一下我從書中獲得了什麼，但用中文寫好像有點尷尬，所以就用英文好了嘿嘿。

Book info

• Title: How to not die alone: The surprising science that will help you find love
• Author: Logan Ury
• Genre: Gender relations

Why I read this book

I decided to read this book because I felt lost in my relationship. I was attracted to the newness and novelty of other experiences, which made me doubt my feelings even more. I found myself questioning whether I still liked my partner as much as I used to. I was even afraid to admit that I might not love him as deeply anymore because I'm not sure I understand what love truly is. The relationship had become mundane, and that scared me.

Lessons learned

The book first points out three relationship mindsets, and I discovered that I am both a romantic and a perfectionist, holding unrealistic expectations about the relationship and partner. Influenced by romantic comedies and social media, I thought that a relationship should always be filled with happiness. I also fear making the wrong decision, worried about missing out on the right person and often wondering if I would be happier with someone else. However, there is no such thing as a "right person." We will face problems in any relationship, and building a strong relationship requires hard work. Additionally, there is no perfect person, and I am not perfect either.

Next, the book discusses the difference between a short-term partner and a life (long-term) partner. It reminds me that appearance is not as important as stable emotions, kindness, and loyalty. A life partner is someone who can grow with me and bring out the best in me. Importantly, the quality of the relationship is defined by how we interact with the partner. I am working hard to internalize these concepts although I sometimes hesitate about entering a long-term relationship with my first (and current) partner 🤣.

Finally, the book emphasizes the importance of decision points (e.g., living together, marriage) and advises moving forward only after clearly defining the relationship. These moments allow both partners to pause, reflect, and clearly express their goals, avoiding assumptions about shared perspectives. Moreover, passionate love differs from romantic love, and the relationship won't always be filled with initial excitement. Thus, learning to "love intentionally" is essential, as successful relationships require long-term effort. I plan to start practicing weekly rituals to regularly express care and address issues promptly.

Conclusion

The contents mentioned above are just a few chapters that were particularly helpful to me. Throughout the book, the author uses behavioral science to guide us on how to find a partner successfully. I believe this book is suitable for anyone struggling(?) with relationships, including those looking for a partner, those facing difficulties in their current relationships, and those about to enter marriage.

For instance, the author suggests ways to create a warm and amazing date, and her innovative ideas for date activities left a lasting impression on me. I believe these concepts are not only useful for people seeking a partner on their first date but also beneficial for those already in a relationship to keep the spark alive.

You might feel that many concepts in the book are things you already know (I certainly did). However, due to behavioral biases, we often choose paths that do not help us in finding a life partner. So let's read this book together, learn to practice intentional love, and live our best lives! ✨